A friend invited me out for teh tarik at a nearby mamak stall recently.
I knew he had been having some personal problems and wanted to get some things off his chest. I am always happy to oblige, being a longtime friend.
So I dutifully went to the mamak stall that evening, spotted him sitting at one of the tables and joined him. We were there for a good hour, long enough for me to have two teh tariks and a roti. I let him talk. I was there to listen.
After he had said what he wanted to say and we had finished our roti canais, we got up to leave. Strolling towards our bicycles he asked me, so what do you think of what I just told you?
I looked at him with an embarrassed smile, paused a little and confessed. Actually, I didn't hear a thing you said.
Really, I couldn't, because we were surrounded by noise. In front of us, a football game was playing on the big tv with the volume set close to maximum. The warong on the left had TV3 screaming loudly. The one on the right was blasting away some Malay songs and at the table right behind us, 5 or 6 young men were cheering themselves hoarse at the game on tv.
Maybe the problem is me. I am a little bit sensitive to sound. If you asked me what is hell on earth, I will say it is sitting in a Bas Ekspress where they lock you in and blast loud music towards you, whether you like what you hear or not. There is no escape.
Like I said, I'm happy to listen but if you actually want me to hear what you say, a place where we don't have to scream at one another to be heard would be nice.
by right you've done your part, but if that was me, I'd have told him from the start I couldn't hear a thing he said, & let him decide if he wanted a change of venue. but then I'm me...
ReplyDeleteHa ha, actually it was the second time it happened and I did tell him about the noise the first time. I think he was too depressed to notice. Maybe some are attracted to loud sounds because it drowns out their sorrows?
ReplyDeleteYou may be right about loudness drowning their sorrows. Maybe your friend unconsciously doesn't want to burden you with his problems. All he needs is to air his grievances and some friend to just listen and not necessarily to hear what he has to say.
ReplyDeleteRead a story once that Abe Lincoln called an old friend down to Washington to sit with him. While he tiraded about his problems, the friend just sat quietly. At the end of the day they shook hands and the friend left. He never said anything. The President only needed someone to listen...
Yes, I've come to understand that sometimes people are not looking for advice. Some never follow your advice anyway. All they want is a sounding board, someone to affirm that they're doing the right thing. Sometimes just being there to listen is good enough.
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