Can we change?

In a previous post "What I learnt in 2009" I wrote that sometimes, the best way to make people worse is to help them and deny them a painful but necessary lesson in life.

I learnt this the hard way through a favorite nephew of mine. He is now 16 years old, the son of my younger brother. To cut the story short, ever since he was a toddler, I spoiled him every chance I got. I bought him toys when he was young. I secretly gave him pocket money when he started school. I treated him like the best thing that ever happened. His own parents were amused by my doting on the boy. Perhaps that's because I haven't got one of my own but for reasons I can't explain, this one stuck out as special among all my other nephews and nieces.

It was only recently that I noticed that he had begun to develop excuses for laziness. His other brothers and sisters would help in the parent's food stall but he dragged his feet, even after I ticked him off a few times. His parents weren't happy about that laziness of course. It was months before I began to realize that maybe I had been responsible for his condition. Unlike his siblings, this nephew did not need to work hard to get money. He didn't have to, as I had been giving him pocket money every month. Granted that RM50 isn't much but it represented a week of work for his siblings. For a kampung boy, RM50 is a lot.

Alarmed at the thought, I decided to cut his allowance from RM50 to RM10 a few months ago. I no longer became the favorite uncle but I hope when he gets older, he will appreciate that I did this out of love not hate. How do you to tell a 16-year old that without certain hardship-developed instincts, it would be hard for him to survive out there?

I see many parallels of this around me like how a society, dependent on handouts and subsidies have gradually grown weaker, not stronger. Yes they may drive nice cars, live in nice houses and speak with an overseas accent but when you pit them against the truly battle tested, many of them surrender. What wins is not necessarily money or even knowledge. It is wit, determination and gut instinct, talents that rear their heads when one is subjected to hardship, like how fire and impurities (carbon) turn soft iron into steel.

I know it is not easy. Except for the few who know what's coming, nobody wants to give up the fish for the fishing rod. In fact people will fight tooth and nail to keep the fish coming, even as they become weaker and weaker, their survival instincts getting more and more dull each passing day. Can society change to turn that around? I believe so, but at a price. The price is hardship, upheaval and suffering, like the 16-year old who suddenly finds his RM50 allowance slashed to RM10. At that point he has a choice to make. Either fight to keep the RM50 coming or say never mind, I will find it myself and who knows, I might even get more than RM50. Each path leads to a different future and conclusion. At the society level, it may determine what the society will look like in a hundred years or it will even exist any more.

So, can we change? Or perhaps I should rephrase it, do we want to change?