Djam karet

This initially started off as a comment on Masterwordsmith's lament on the level of courtesy among some of us or to be blunt, the lack of it. It sort of got longer and longer so I thought what the hell, might as well write a full blown post on it, ha ha.

My Indonesian friends have a term for people who promise to meet up at a certain time but show up an hour late. "Djam karet." Karet in Indonesian means rubber, so djam karet refers to a watch whose hands are stretchable as if made of rubber. Its also a name for people whose respect for other people's time is an epic fail but in typical polite Javanese custom, the watch is blamed, not the person.

Now, what's worse than a friend who's habitually late? A friend who's late AND don't bother to call you to say he's gonna be late. Some don't have the courtesy to apologize for making you wait while others, seeing you suffer from their tardiness, make fun of you for being so hung-up about punctuality. I think we all have a few friends like that and thankfully they're usually the exception rather than the norm. :-)

So I think its a pertinent question to ask. Why is it so hard for some of us to show simple courtesy?

I see it as an issue of personal priorities. No two people are alike so we can't run away from the fact that many of us simply do not share the same priorities or sense of urgency with our friends and vice versa. Some of us are more self aware of it than others and compensate but some of our friends are blissfully unaware. Its upsetting when it involves an old friend but it happens. The truth is, not being given the courtesy of a sorry-I'm-late call is simply an honest demonstration of where we stand in other people's list of priorities. For good or for bad, we're just not on their radar, at least at that particular moment in time.

Tough if we're used to military-style precision, especially in business where time is money (and boy am I known to be unforgiving on the latter.) I just can't do that with friends though, even if its no less irritating.

Be that as it may, we can't change people but we can do something just as effective. We can change our expectations of them, and that's what I do. My expectations of my friends depends on how well our priorities match. Where they match, I know I can safely set expectations. Where they don't, we're still friends but I don't call on them for anything serious. I think the key to friendship longevity has a lot to do with how we manage our expectations of each other.

If people have known each other for years, its not too hard to know each others' priorities and do all this. The bottom line is to avoid creating a situation where a friend's known quirks - like punctuality - is unwittingly pushed centerstage. That's only being sensitive and well, courteous. If a friend is known to be habitually late, then plan to be there late or have the person call you when he or she had arrived. Have a backup plan so if she doesn't call, you go do something else lah. But just don't try that for business meetings though! :-)

On another note...

Masterwordsmith brought up another irresistable point in the same post - hell drivers in Malaysia. I think I can write an entire doctrate on the topic, LOL!! I always felt if we really wanted to know what Malaysian culture is in its honest and unembellished form, forget the jogets and the food and the language. Instead, take a look at the real cultural show - how we conduct ourselves on the roads every day. I'll pull no punches here. The average Malaysian is selfish, disregarding of his neighbour, believes might is right, and that his environment can be manipulated to his advantage by giving the right 'incentives.' Think of how many places we see these traits in our midst, from buffet lines to our collective reaction to crises to the polls.

People can argue about whether chicken rice came from Singapore or satay came from Indonesia but one thing they cannot deny is where that driver over there came from. Now that's what I call culture! :-)